5 Seconds Lost

I was still full of joy when I got on the jeepney that morning. It was the morning after I received the news I've been hoping for after 4 months of wondering and thinking of so many ifs. It was the morning that I felt I could face and conquer anything thrown at me. But, while I was savoring the beauty of the morning, I was totally caught off guard when all of a sudden, within the blink of an eye, I was in the middle of the jeepney aisle, on my knees, almost on top of the back of the lady sitting beside me.

I was so surprised that I thought I was sleeping and I woke up in that position with the passengers sitting on the other side, staring wide-eyed, shocked, but with amusement in their eyes. When I looked at the front of the heap of passengers (which included me), I saw the girl who was also on her knees, looking back at us, smiling. . . wait a minute. . . Why was she smiling? Why were the other passengers staring at us, slightly amused? Why was there silence as if nothing happened? Nobody got angry, nobody was cursing. Why did the car infront of us stop without giving a signal? Why wasn't I holding on the bar that passengers were supposed to hold on to? Why, why, why....But at that moment, I didn't ask for the answers. As if, I didn't care. As long as we're all okay, I was fine with it.

My knees were still trembling when I went back to my seat, I couldn't even hear most of what the passengers were saying, it was so surreal for me. Thoughts of my last will and testament went through my head...eng!uhmn. . . (reality knocked)...do I have one? Well...it was just wishful thinking. :) A lot of thoughts really went through my head. I don't want to go through all the details here because you may not like what you'll read. But suffice it to say, I couldn't help smiling after that incident. Isn't it ironic, don't you think? (sounds familiar?hehehe) Someone once told me that I'm like a mathematician (ironic again).."like everything is connected to something..like every hyp has a reason..."Surprisingly, at that time I didn't care to look for the answers. I was just thankful we weren't thrown out or that the jeepney didn't roll over.

Anyway, until now I still don't know what really happened that morning. Only that the car infront of us stopped without giving a signal so the jeepney driver slammed on his breaks throwing the passengers on his side into a human heap in the middle of the jeepney aisle. Thankfully, nobody got hurt. The moment -- between my last thought, while comfortably seated, to the moment I realized that I was on my knees staring at the back of my seatmate -- was the 5  seconds in my adult life  that I couldn't recall even though I wasn't given a major anesthetic. Everything just went blank. It made me realize that our lives can be snuffed at any given moment. We may never even know what hit us. It'll just be gone.

Most of us usually get to appreciate life when we experience the threat of losing it. That's why (I was told) some people seek thrills to scare themselves, to feel fear, in order to help them appreciate life. Do we need to be scared in order to appreciate life? I hope not.  (I think I'll stop wishing I could bungee jump...for now. :) )